A Sister in a Missionary Position

Brother Terr attempts to recruit a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood. 


A wealthy widow seeks a beneficiary: 

From: Rose Adel  [rose.adel1@btinternet.com]
To: undisclosed recipients:
Sent: January 22, 2010 07:25
Subject: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL

FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL, 

GREETINGS IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

I AM MRS ROSE ADEL FROM FRANCE.A WIDOW TO LATE MR. MOSES ADEL.I AM 55 YEARS OLD. I AM NOW A NEW CHRISTAIN CONVERT SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THE BREAST. FROM ALL INDICATIONS, MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I MAY NOT LIVE MORE LONG ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS.

THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE. MY LATE HUSBAND DIED LAST FIVE YEARS AND DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR MARRIAGE, WE COULD NOT PRODUCE ANY CHILD. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS DEATH, I NHERITED ALL HIS BUSINESS AND WEALTH.

THE DOCTORS HAVE ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR MORE THAN FIVE MONTHS. SO, I NOW DECIDED TO DEVIDE THE PART OF THIS WEALTH TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHURCH IN AFRICA, MERICA,ASIA, AND EUROPE. I SELECTED YOU AFTER VISITING THE WEBSITE AND I PRAYED OVER IT.I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF S$5,000.000.00 ( FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED. PLEASE, I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT THE FUND IS DEPOSITED IN A BANK IN ABIDJAN, IVORY COAST HERE MY LAYE HUSBAND HAD SOME OF HIS BUSINESS INVESTMENTS MOSTLY ON COCOA BECAUSE IVORY COAST ID THE WORLD'S GREATEST PRODUCER OF COCOA. IVORY COAST ALSO IS COLONIAL CHILD OF FRANCE.

WHEN I HEAR FROM YOU,I WILL FORWARD TO YOU ALL THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE TO GET THIS FUND TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY WHEN TRANSFERRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE USED FOR THE SAID PURPOSE BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH ACQUISITION WITHOUT CHRIST IS VANITY.MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS, THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY.
YOUR SISTER,
MRS ROSE ADEL 

Brother Terr will have to decline: 

From: terr@***
To: roseadel202@yahoo.co.jp
Sent: Fri, Jan 22, 2010 11:32 pm
Subject: Re: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL,


Dear Sister:

Greetings to you in the name of Our Saviour. Your generous wish to leave your wealth to the less fortunate shall surely earn you a place in heaven. I am Brother Terr of the Holy Moses! Brotherhood of the Caped Crusader. Our Mission performs many theatrical and charitable works and would normally be very interested in your donation.

Unfortunately, our Principles allow us to accept donations only from members of our Faith, so unless you are willing to accept a Missionary position as a Sister of our Faith, I am afraid we will have to decline your generous offer.

May you find solitude in the Cave of Our Hero, and may the Dark Lord find your Everlasting Soul beyond his reach.

Brother Terr 

Sister Rose proceeds nonetheless: 

From: rose adel <roseadel@hotmail.fr>
To: terr@***
Sent: Sat, Jan 23, 2010 6:24 am
Subject: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL

 
Dear Brother Terr   

Calvary greetings to you in the name of our Lord. I do hope that all is well with you and your entire family. I am so happy to receive your respond to my call for you to help me in fulfilling this program that GOD has destined me to accomplish. I want to assure you that your decision to carry on the program will bring a Devine breakthrough in your family and your business. Also i want to assured you that this transaction is 100% free legal.

I know you must wondering why I came in contact with you and why must you be the right person I chooses. Look, I want to inform you that opportunity comes only but once and what God programs that is the way it's. Listen, God have chooses you as he choosed King Solomon, meanwhile if you are interested to carry-out the work of God kindly get back me so that I will tell you on how the fund will be transfer into your bank account.

I do not have much strength to write much but I want you to contact my doctor on his email: dr.eric_koffi@yahoo.fr and His name is Prof. Eric Koffi, He will detail you more about my health at present time because if I begin to explain it to you here I don't think you can stand it because it's miserable.

Centre Hospitalier Universitaire (C.H.U..)
Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire West Africa
Address: Rue 01 Bp Abidjan

Telephone: +225 67 26 47 42
Contact: Prof. Dr. Eric Koffi 

My Doctor will be submitting your information to the bank so that the bank will be contacting you for the transfer process to take effect and I want you to following the bank's transfer instruction for them to affect the fund into your nominated bank account so that you will carry-out the work of God as will discussed.

Meanwhile I have explained everything to my Doctor and I do directed him to make sure that he introduce you to the bank where the fund was deposited and he will be calling you to inform you the latest news because right away my condition right now does not allow me to speak. So, what you have to do now is to send to us your contact information such as, telephone number, contact address so that my doctor will go ahead and introduce you to the bank. After the introduction is done, then the doctor will send to you the contact of the bank so that you will contact them and ask them to transfer my fund into your nominated bank account to enable you proceed the work God as we discussed.

I will be looking forward to hear from you.
Remain Blessed.
Your sister
Mrs. Rose Adel.

Brother Terr explains again:

From: terr@***
To: roseadel@hotmail.fr
Sent: Sat, Jan 23, 2010 8:29 am
Subject: Re: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL


Dear Sister Rose:

Greetings in the name of Our Saviour. As I explained in my last message to you, we are unable to accept your kind and generous offer, as you are not a member of our Faith. It is among our Inviolable Principles that we can accept donations only from members of the Holy Moses! Brotherhood of the Caped Crusader or, in the case of women, a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood.

These Principles have guided us since the Time of the Divided Waters, and we are bound to observe them, lest our Souls fall into the grasp of the Dark Knight. As much as your bequest would help us in the performance of our theatrical and charitable works, we are unable to accept it, unless you are willing to become one of our Sisters and assume a Missionary position in the service of the Brotherhood.

May the Justice League guide you in your path, and your Everlasting Soul remain Eternal.

Brother Terr 

Sister Rose is willing:

From: rose adel <roseadel@hotmail.fr>
To: terr@***
Sent: Mon, Jan 25, 2010 3:28 am
Subject: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL 


Dearest Terr   

I am very happy to read your message. Please explain more about your faith. If your faith can heal my predicament I would be glad to follow up. I am willing to be one of the Sisters in the Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood.  

So, I want to use my fund and make the work of Brotherhood work forward and the Saviour who invite and directed me spiritually to contact you will be happy with me and you.  

Thank and have a nice day.
Mrs. Rose Adel

The Holy Moses! Brotherhood of the Caped Crusader: 

From: terr@***
To: roseadel@hotmail.fr
Sent: Mon, Jan 25, 2010 7:11 pm
Subject: Re: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL


Dear Sister Rose

Greetings in the name of Our Saviour. You are a most generous Soul to express a willingness to become a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood and to donate your fortune to help in our theatrical and charitable works. You shall surely be welcomed by the Prophet himself when you pass through the gates of Heaven.

It is a great Honour for me to tell you about the Holy Moses! Brotherhood of the Caped Crusader. As you would gather by our name, our Patron Saint is the Great Prophet who led us through the Divided Waters as we fled the Land of the Pyramids in ancient times. We are permitted to write our Prophet's name only within the full name of the Brotherhood itself, and we speak it only in conjunction with the Blessed Adjective at times of great astonishment.

The Brotherhood was founded generations ago by the Caped Crusader, Father Hominis Chiroptera, to honour and keep sacred the name of the Great Prophet and copy his writings in the ancient style on papyrus. The current leader of the Brotherhood is Father Fraudatio Esca. We are bound by our Inviolable Principles, given to us by the Justice League, which is much like a Council of Elders.

Our residential Mission is located in the Cavos Chiroptera near Gotham. Women are not allowed on the grounds of the Mission, and through most of our history, could have no affiliation with the Brotherhood. In recent times, fear of Charter litigation over gender discrimination led the Justice League update our Inviolable Principles in order to allow Sister Cattus Femina to become the first Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood, and have welcomed many more since. The Sisterhood is currently led by Sister  Magdalene Kyle and performs its duties to the Brotherhood at the nearby Cattus Domus.

While our primary Purpose remains to honour and keep sacred the name of the Great Prophet and copy his writings in the ancient style on papyrus, the Justice League has ordained us to develop a community outreach programme, through which we perform many theatrical and charitable works. Our recent productions include the great operas Homens em Apertado, Menschen in Strumpfhosen,  and Uomini in Calzamaglia, and we are currently working on Mannskap inne Fast.

We have found that bringing the classic operas to inner city children helps them to develop an appreciation for the Arts and brings them a sense of gaiety they would otherwise not experience. Our other outreach programmes include classes in choreography, fashion design, hairstyling, footwear appreciation, and life coaching, as well as our annual Judy Garland festival. Our work in the community has saved many young people from the Temptations of the Dark Knight, and has helped lead them to fruitful careers in law enforcement, construction, cattle farming, native leadership, motorcycle operation, and the military.

I hope this gives you a good Understanding of our Faith and the theatrical and charitable works that your donation would help to support. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have. If it is the will of Our Saviour that you find us worthy of your bequest, I will be happy to tell you more about the duties of the Sisterhood and the requirements for becoming a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood.

May the People of your Village find pleasure in shelter among brethren, and may your Soul be as glitter to their hearts.

Brother Terr

Sister Rose wants to become a full member:

From: rose adel
To: terr@***
Sent: Tue, Jan 26, 2010 3:53 am
Subject: RE: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL

Dearest Brotherhood

Greetings in the name of Our Saviour, I am obliged to read and understood your explanation. I noted all you mentioned on your message and I believe that everything shall work successfully by the name of Saviour. I have agreed to donate my fund to the theatrical and charitable works.

Also, I thank you so much for been in contact together and I pray that may Our Saviour strength you. What can somebody do to become a full member?

Thank and have a nice day.
Sister Rose

Brother Terr explains how to assume a Missionary position:

From: terr@***
To: roseadel@hotmail.fr
Sent: Wed, Jan 27, 2010 6:52 am
Subject: RE: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL


Dear Sister Rose:

Greetings in the name of Our Saviour. I am very happy to hear that you houve found our theatrical and charitable works worthy of your Generosity. Father Escra will be pleased, as he has been having some difficulty with the costuming for Mannskap inne Fast. You shall surely be permitted to wash the Beard of the Prophet when you are welcomed into Heaven.

As I explained, only men can become members of the Brotherhood; as a woman you may be welcomed as a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood. The requirements to enter the Sisterhood are based on those of the Brotherhood, but you will be relieved to know that they are considerably less demanding. (So that you may understand your servility, I will note the corresponding requirements for Brothers at each stage.)

A Supplicant must first clearly indicate her Willingness to become a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood, and may then be instructed in the Induction process on a step-by-step basis. Willingness is demonstrated through a brief ritual administered by a small group of Brothers led by Father Escra at the Cattus Domus. (Brothers must endure a much more lengthy and strenuous ritual that involves all active Brothers.)

In the case of a Supplicant who is not able to come in person, the Justice League allows Willingness to be demonstrated by a photograph of the Supplicant in a reclining posture (so as to show deference to the Brotherhood), holding a handwritten Oath that states: "I am Willing to become a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Holy Moses! Brotherhood of the Caped Crusader," and is signed by the Supplicant. (Brothers unable to come in person must produce several photographs that reflect the greater complexity of their ritual.)

Following the demonstration of Willingness, the first step in the Induction process is the submission of an essay of no less than 750 words that show the Supplicant's sincerity in her belief in the Great Prophet, and should demonstrate a knowledge of the Prophet's life, including the Miracles He performed and the journeys He Led, as well as an understanding of the importance of copying His Writings in the ancient style on papyrus. Keep in mind that the Prophet's name is never to be written except within the full name of the Brotherhood. (Brothers are required to write an essay of at least 6000 words, and must include a detailed history of the Prophet's geneology.)

While it would be my pleasure to welcome you at the Cattus Domus for your demonstration of Willingness, I understand that your present condition may prevent you from doing so. I look forward to receiving your demonstration along with the completion of the first step in the Incuction process.

Once again, I would like to thank you for your interest in our Faith and your Generosity in your desire to support our theatrical and charitable works. Father Escra has asked me to tell you that once you are received as a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood, your donation will be used to establish a fund in your name to support the theatrical or charitable work of your choice. Please let me know of your preference.

May the purity of your Soul return health to your Body so that you may find Joyous union with your Brothers and Sisters in the Cattus Domus.

Brother Terr

Sister Rose wants an alternative:

From: rose adel
To: terr@**
*
Sent: Wed, Jan 27, 2010 12:09 pm
Subject: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL 


Dearest Brotherhood
 
Greetings in the name of Our Saviour, I thank you so much for you message you sent to me. I want to inform you that i am interested to joy the Sister in a Missionary. But my health condition is very bad that was why i don't know what to do.

it's any other alternative?

Best regards
Mrs. Rose Adel

Father Escra gives Sister Rose a break:

From: terr@**
*
To: roseadel@hotmail.fr
Sent: Wed, Jan 27, 2010 4:58 pm
Subject: Re: FROM MRS. ROSE ADEL
 

Dear Sister Rose,

Greetings in the name of Our Saviour. I have discussed your message with Father Escra, and in view of your condition, he has agreed to accept an essay of 500 words rather than 750. The photograph demonstrating your Willingness to become a Sister in a Missionary position servicing the Brotherhood is essential, as it is accepted as a substitute for the usual ritual administered by the Brothers at the Cattus Domus.

May your Desire give you the strength to service the Brotherhood in a Missionary position.

Brother Terr

Sister Rose never writes back.

Tranlsations:
Hominis Chiroptera           Batman
Fraudatio EscaScam Bait
Cavos ChiropteraBat Cave
Cattus FeminaCat Woman
Cattus DomusCat House
Homens em ApertadoMen in Tights
Menschen in Strumpfhosen        Men in Tights
Uomini in CalzamagliaMen in Tights
Mannskap inne FastMen in Tights
 
 

3 comments:

  1. Had me in hysterics. Well done ! I feel inspired to have a go myself now. :)

    ReplyDelete